Appropro of Nothing

I'm headed out soon for a long run, so stay tuned, but meanwhile...

Things That Amuse Only Me:

The Scene: Me, perusing Jest Guy for a new camera

Cute Jest Guy girl: Any questions or anything today?

Me: (dammit, I was hoping we could do this without conversation. But since she's here...) Uh, yeah. Why is that 7.1 megapixel cheaper than this this 6.1?

Cute Jest Guy girl: (With zero hesitation) See how that one has 10x zoom? This other one has 12x zoom. So that's the compromise. Do you do a lot of blowing up of images?

Me: (Huh, that was an intelligent question that will lead her to understand my knowledge of megapixels. This may be the first intelligent thing anybody has ever said at Jest Guy, ever.) I do, well, sometimes. I'm hoping more zoom will make it wouldn't have to as much, but I like to have the option and keep the images clean.

Cute Jest Guy girl: Sure, well, then I think it comes down to preference.

Me: (Pondering...)

Cute Jest Guy girl: I'll let you look, let me know if you have any other questions.

Me: (Impressed with her choosing to leave my atmosphere at just the right time.)

Later

Me: This one mentions Ni-MH batteries, but this one doesn't. Does that mean this one isn't rechargeable?"

Cute Jest Guy girl: No, this one is, but it uses Lithium Ion batteries. They have just slightly less power. Do you already have the charging base for this? (We're assessing two Kodak cameras, which is the brand I'm most familiar with.)

Me: I do. (Startled that she actually knows what time it is with the batteries as well. Realizing that I'm having an intelligent conversation with an employee at Jest Guy. Shudders slightly.)

Cute Jest Guy girl: Okay, is it pretty new? (I know what she's getting at - last year Kodak changed their charging stations, so the pins on the new cameras - and bases - are smaller. You need a newer base to charge a new camera.)

Me: You know, most of the time at Jest Guy nobody that works here has a clue what they're talking about. You seem to really know what's up. This is actually helpful to me. Yup, so it has the smaller pins.

Cute Jest Guy girl: (Genuinely taken aback, then huge grin) Well...thanks! I'm glad I can help! Great, then yeah, this will work just fine with that one you already have.

Me: Does the plastic cover come with the camera (Different Kodak models come with differently shaped covers that go over a generic base station, so that any type of camera can fit.)

Cute Jest Guy girl: (Still grinning)...You know...I'm almost positive, but let me open up a box to make sure for you.

Me: (Elated that she's not just making shit up, but actually investigating.)

Later still...

Cute Jest Guy girl: So, do you need any additional memory cards with this?

Me: (Thinking how I have a couple at home of at least 1 GB each) No, I'm good. I've got big ones.

Me: (I just said "I've got big ones." Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Ha ha ha ha!)

Me: (At the counter, honestly about to laugh out loud because of my big ones remark. Smiling stupid at the counter, unable to stop.)

Cute Jest Guy girl: Do you want the extended service plan with these?

Me: (Still on the verge of cracking up)...No thanks, and thanks for not assaulting me about how badly I need one.

Cute Jest Guy girl: Yeah...they're kinda useless, really.

Me: (What am I, in the 7th grade? Big ones. Hee hee hee! Still funny after, like, 45 seconds!) Yeah, I agree.

The End.

Also:

The Scene: This morning, when Kristie the Insurance Lady came over to play nurse. Only not like that, but in a draw blood and take urine for life insurance kind of way.

Kristie: ...and now I'll take your height and weight. How tall are you? (As she stands behind me preparing the tape measure.)

Me: About six feet. Six - one with the afro. (Ha! Fletch! Any day you can interject Fletch comments is a good day. We'll both have a good chuckle over that charming quip.)

Kristie: (No response whatsoever to my Fletch line.)

Me: (Maybe she didn't hear me.) About six-one with the afro (he says again). Heh heh.

Kristie: (Looks at me weird. Guess she did hear me the first time. That means of the two of us, I'm the only one laughing at my jokes.)

Me: (Feel kinda dumb. I think I'll just do the rest of this quietly.)

Later...

Kristie: (Preparing stethoscope around her neck) Okay, I'm going to check your blood pressure. (Wraps thing around my arm...puts stethoscope in ears)

Kristie: (Suddenly freaking yelling, with stethoscope in her ears, as one does when he's listening to headphones and thinks the rest of the room won't be able to hear him over the music in his head.) SO YOU'RE SELLING YOUR HOUSE, HUH?

Me: (A moment after literally jumping out of my chair.) Um, yeah.

Kristie: WHAT?

Me: YES! WE'VE HAD IT ON THE MARKET JUST ABOUT TWO (Kristie removes stethoscope headphones) WEEKS NOW.

Kristie: (With same awkward expression as the Fletch quote that didn't go over, now apparently wondering why I'm yelling at her.) Uh, well good luck. Okay now I need some urine...

The End.

Ah, to live in my world. Such good times.